What, No Spider-Shark Repellant?

I saw these in Wal-Mart this afternoon: "Shark Trap Spider-Man" and "Howling Manwolf" action figures. My first instinct was to purchase them so that I could share their godawfulness with friends, but then I decided that I didn't want to encourage toy companies to manufacture more of this crap by voting for it with my wallet. So instead, I decided to find pics of them on the internet and post them on the blog.

A friend of mine called while I was in the store examining them, and asked whether or not Manwolf looked good. That's a difficult question to answer... what would a "good" Manwolf action figure look like? So I simply replied that he is terrifyingly authentic, right down to the bright yellow and green costume. Also, if you press a button on his backpack, his jaw opens, he howls, and the moonstone (the source of his powers) on his neck lights up. (By the way, Manwolf made an appearance in the SHAFT NewsWire in May 2005).

My main concern with the Shark Trap Spidey, besides the fact that it reminds me of the infinite (and infinitely preposterous) variations of Batman action figures that have been cranked out over the years, is the unmistakable resemblance the little black shark accessory bears to Venom. Same white eyes, rows of teeth, and long red tongue. I didn't really need a mental image of Venom impregnating a shark to create some illegitimate shark offspring. Just when I thought it was safe to go back down the toy aisle...