Another Reason to Hate Michael Bay

Hey, let's start with a "news" story:

Scarlett Johansson told to keep her underwear on

NEW YORK -- Some Hollywood actresses are cautious about revealing too much skin but 20-year-old Scarlett Johansson had to be persuaded to keep her underwear on, according to her director in The Island, Michael Bay.

Speaking before Monday's New York premier of the thriller, which stars Johansson and Ewan McGregor as human clones on the run, Bay said he was prepared for the usual actress nerves when it came to shooting a love scene between the two leads.

"We're ready to go and of course the actress is not there," he told reporters. He said he was summoned to Johansson's trailer, expecting to have to reassure the star of Lost in Translation that her privacy and dignity would be protected.

"She's standing there and she says, 'I'm not wearing this cheap ... bra. I'm going naked,'" Bay said.

"I said, 'It's PG-13, you have to wear the bra,'" he said.

Bay describes The Island -- which carries a PG-13 rating meaning it is suitable for children with parental guidance -- as a summer "popcorn movie," though the plot raises important ethical issues about science and the morality of cloning.

The film by the director of Armageddon and The Rock is a change of direction for Johansson who has played a string of critically acclaimed roles in films such as Girl With a Pearl Earring and In Good Company.

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OK, when I read that article, this is the question I came away with:

What the hell is wrong with this culture?

Scarlett Johansson has to wear a bra because The Island is PG-13. Which has more "adult" content than a regular PG movie. I know I'm getting old, but doesn't anyone else remember when PG movies regularly contained nudity? (An era I like to refer to as my Golden Age of Puberty). We've gone from having regular PG movies with bare breasts, to supposedly "edgier" PG-13 movies with mandatory undergarments.

Just like the Republicans who can't stop whining about how much opposition they face even though they now control every facet of the U.S. government, or the Christians who insist that they're still being persecuted even though they've been the dominant religion ever since Emperor Constantine converted way back in 312, moral crusaders claim that our society is spiraling downward into the depths of depravity even though popular entertainment is more "child-safe" than ever before.

Finally we can relax, secure in the knowledge that the MPAA is protecting our children from life-scarring glimpses of the female body. Crap like this makes me sympathize with Springfield's anti-family organization started by Lindsey Naegle in The Simpsons episode, Marge vs. Singles, Seniors, Childless Couples And Teens, And Gays: "I dream of an America with nudity and F-words on network TV, where the whole world doesn't stop because a school bus did. Children are the future. Today belongs to me!"

Anyway, enough griping about bullshit Puritan values and priorities, let's look at the real issues here:

1. Hollywood Logic: I don't know about you, but if I were a director and Scarlett Johansson was insisting on getting naked in my movie, I think I'd get on the phone with some studio execs. "Hey guys? I can't get Scarlett to put on her underwear. You think you might be able to swing me an R rating?" Have these people no business sense?

2. Weren't we teased enough in Eight Legged Freaks? (see pictures above)

3. Doesn't Ewan McGregor get a vote in this? Seems to me he's the real victim here. When was the last time he scored on-screen? It's not like Obi-Wan's been getting any in the prequels.

Forcing Scarlett Johansson to wear a bra is an act of unspeakable evil. If there is a culture war being fought in Hollywood, Mr. Bay is guilty of war crimes.